Monday, October 1, 2012

Turns out the damned light was a train after all.

You know, the one at the end of the tunnel.  The increase in lithium is working I think and except for a bad day with the husband, I was starting to feel better.  Therapy is finally going well.  I believe that we have finally worked through my history and have identified the issues that need to be resolved.  I have trust issues that do not allow me to be vulnerable and as a  result, I have no friends and no support system.  Makes for a lonely life.  I have twitter and Facebook, but I don't know why.  Nobody responds to me.  I tweet to celebrities because I have no real friends to talk to.  God, that sounds so pathetic.

Now, my husband has decided that he can't take it anymore.  The things that I did while I was rapidly cycling and out of control are just too much for him to take.  I never cheated or anything, I am more of a spending spree type manic.  He says he is leaving me.  He never believed I was clinically depressed (which turned out to be a misdiagnosis) or that I am suffering bipolar disorder now.  It is all some emotional crutch that will allow me to take medication for the rest of my life because that's something we all strive for, right.

So, I will be a single mother with six children, I guess.  I always felt like one anyway for the most part except for every once in a while a man would come home and make me feel like slitting my wrists and then leave.

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